


Try Again

by sabinelagrande



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Twin Peaks
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Dale Cooper: Ben-Hassrath Agent, Fix-It, M/M, The Demands of the Qun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bull read the letter, his face growing more grave by the line. "Cooper is coming," he said finally. "They've probably sent him to finish me off."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try Again

**Author's Note:**

> Written for A Ficathon Goes Into A Bar 2015: Dale Cooper goes into a bar and meets... the Iron Bull!
> 
> And I totally pieced together some Qunlat from the DA wiki, but what's new?

It wasn't strange to find Bull in the library these days; it was even less strange, when finding him in the library, to find him in Dorian's accustomed nook. Dorian was sitting in his chair, pointing something out to him in an old tome, but it was fairly clear to Trevelyan that Bull was paying far more attention to Dorian than the book.

She cleared her throat, and both of them looked up. "How can we help you, Inquisitor?" Dorian asked, and to his credit, he only sounded a tiny bit annoyed.

"I hate to interrupt, but I need to speak to Bull," Trevelyan said.

"What's up?" Bull asked; Dorian made no move to leave, and Bull didn't try to make him.

"I got a letter," Trevelyan said, holding up a rolled piece of parchment. "It's for you."

Bull frowned. "How is it for me if it was addressed to you?"

"Because half of it is in Qunlat," she said, and Bull's face hardened. "I think it's from the Ben-Hassrath."

Bull nodded. "Open it up and put it on the table," he said.

Trevelyan gave him a look. "Was I supposed to be not touching it this whole time?"

"They aren't trying to kill you," Bull assured her. "There are plenty of poisons that only work on the Qunari."

"Alright then," Trevelyan said, somewhat skeptically, smoothing the letter down on the table.

Bull read the letter, his face growing more grave by the line. "Cooper is coming," he said finally. "They've probably sent him to finish me off."

"Why are we so afraid of a guy who makes barrels?" Trevelyan asked, puzzled.

"He's _named_ Cooper, he's not _a_ cooper," Bull said. "His Qunari designation is Beresrad, but." He shrugged. "Some people just never fit their titles."

"So what's your plan?" Dorian said, crossing his arms. "We can't just have you waiting here to be picked off by the Ben-Hassrath."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," Bull said.

Silence fell.

" _What_?" Dorian said.

"I'm going to be right in the open," Bull said. "The worst thing I can do is hide. They're spies, not soldiers. They're not going to march in and put an arrow through my head. If they want me dead it will happen when I don't expect it."

"You just said you don't expect them to do it to your face," Dorian said. "What better time?"

"It's okay, kadan," Bull said. "Trust me. I've heard of this guy. He's reasonable." He paused. "Well, reasonable enough that he knows better than to attack me from the front." He turned to Trevelyan. "How soon?"

"Leliana says tomorrow afternoon," she told him. "You know, I could just not let him in when he shows up."

"That's sweet, boss, but I have to do this," Bull replied. "It'll all be over faster that way."

"Have it your way," Trevelyan said. "I have other matters to attend to. I'll leave you to planning your demise."

She pretended not to notice them arguing quietly as she left. She had enough on her plate without dealing with Qunari-Tevinter relationship counseling as well.

\--

The selection of the tavern rather than a more formal area was a very deliberate move; in the wretchedly slow and incredibly quick period of time before Cooper's arrival at Skyhold, Bull carefully made adjustments to the space. Cooper would notice, but that was largely the point. If he had malicious intentions- which he probably did, despite the tone of the letter- he would know that Bull knew about them, and had prepared accordingly.

Bull hadn't realized how exhausting all this was while he was still doing it for the Ben-Hassrath. That was probably for the best.

"He's coming," Trevelyan said as she came in, shutting the door behind her. "Is everybody out?"

"We're clear," Bull said.

Dorian peered out the window. "What am I looking for, exactly? No one outside exactly screams Qunari."

"There he is," Bull said, pointing to a youngish man, dressed in crisp black and white and carrying a black leather book. "That's Cooper."

"He doesn't look like a dreaded Ben-Hassrath," Dorian said.

"And that's what makes a good spy," Bull said.

"Diane, I'm here at Skyhold," Cooper said, opening the book he carried and writing as he spoke, his voice carrying in through the window. "It's cold, but the air is as crisp and clean as a fresh apple. Really something. I saw the most beautiful flowers along the road on the way up here-"

"Who's he talking to?" Bull said, frowning.

"Himself, I think," Trevelyan said. "It looks like he's just reciting what he's writing down."

"Odd fellow," Dorian said. "But he's certainly well dressed for a Qunari."

"I know you're hot for Qunari, but don't start getting ideas about swapping," Bull said. "At least hold out for horns."

"You're awful," Dorian said, without much heat. "Maybe I want a Qunari who doesn't gore my good pillows in his sleep."

"That was _one time_ ," Bull grumbled.

"Look sharp," Trevelyan said, stepping back from the window. "Here he comes."

A few moments later, the door to the tavern opened, and Cooper stepped inside; he didn't look prepared for the ambush that could have easily followed, but then, he didn't look like a spy either.

Cooper glanced around the empty tavern, spotting the three of them and walking over. "You must be the Inquisitor," Cooper said, holding out a hand to Trevelyan. "It's an honor."

"Thank you," Trevelyan said warily, taking it.

Cooper put his other hand over Trevelyan's. "What is that flower I keep seeing around here? It's a little white flower with a red center."

Trevelyan frowned. "Uh, probably Andraste's Grace?"

"Andraste's Grace," Cooper sighed, releasing Trevelyan's hand. "Extraordinary." He turned. "And you must be Dorian Pavus."

Dorian stepped closer to Bull, not offering his hand. "The only."

Cooper turned again. "And you're the Iron Bull."

"What gave it away?" Bull said sourly. "You'd better go ahead and say what you came to say. We're busy."

"I'm here about the events that occurred on the Storm Coast last year," Cooper said, and Trevelyan went very still. "There are several unanswered questions."

"Ask Gatt," Bull said.

"Gatt has been sent for reeducation," Cooper said.

Bull snorted. "Thought he was a model agent."

"So did the Ben-Hassrath, at the time," Cooper said. "But now there's reason to suspect that his judgment was compromised. We want to know how long it went on before it was discovered." He held out a hand, indicating a table. "I'm not here to make any enemies. I just want to talk."

Bull stared at him hard for a long moment before pulling out a chair. Trevelyan pointedly sat down beside him, and Dorian even more pointedly leaned against the pillar next to the table, looking daggers at Cooper.

Cooper sat down, carefully arranging book and pen in front of himself before he began. He certainly was a cool one, giving no indication that he was affected by the antipathy that was radiating off of the rest of them. Bull had to respect that.

"I have a copy of your report," Cooper said, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his book and setting it on the table.

"I'm shocked Gatt didn't burn it," Bull said.

"Your report and his share one important fact," Cooper said, undeterred, pulling out a second piece of paper out. "They both state that Gatt allowed a non-Qunari force to take up a critical position during a vitally important operation." He put Gatt's report down on the other side of his book. "Now, my specialization is not in military tactics, but sending _bas_ in to do Qunari work is a direct violation of Ben-Hassrath standards, especially if he knew they could be placed in mortal danger."

"So it would have been perfectly fine to sacrifice his own people," Dorian interjected. "How charming."

"Of course it would have," Bull said, looking over at him. "Then they'd know the risks and what they were fighting for." He looked back at Cooper. "So you sent him for reeducation for making a bad command decision. He tell you I volunteered them?"

"Yes," Cooper said. "That doesn't make it any better."

"Fair enough," Bull said. "Look, I know what you want to ask. Just do it."

"If that's how you want to do it," Cooper said, putting down his pen. "I need you to think carefully about this question. Did you make the decision to retreat, or did the Inquisitor?"

"Does the answer change whether or not you kill me?" Bull said.

"I'm not an assassin," Cooper answered.

"Didn't mean you personally," Bull returned.

"Under the Qun, there are always repercussions," Cooper said, which was and wasn't an answer. "I need to know whether this decision had the full backing of the Inquisition, or whether it was the action of one wayward agent. The folks back in Par Vollen are _very_ concerned about the answer."

Bull opened his mouth to speak, but Trevelyan beat him to it. "It was me," she said, without hesitation.

"Boss," Bull said, sounding a little annoyed. "I don't know if you understand what we're being asked here."

"No, I'm very clear on the implications," Trevelyan said. "He's trying to ask if an alliance between the Qunari and the Inquisition is still possible, even though I sacrificed a Qunari warship." She held out her palm. "I can lie and hope for an alliance, even though I'm signing your death warrant." She held out the other. "Alternately, I can do exactly what I'm doing right now, cutting off our chances of an alliance but hopefully stopping you from more assassination attempts, ones where they might get more creative in their choice of target." She dropped her hands, glancing over at Dorian. "We already did this once, Bull," she said gently. "My answer hasn't changed."

Bull swallowed, nodding. "You heard the lady."

Cooper wrote a few more lines in his book, fanning the wet ink before closing it. "I have a few questions for Lieutenant Aclassi," Cooper said. "But that can wait. Right now, I am parched and famished."

"Cabot," Bull called. "Can you get my friend here set up?"

"Thank you," Cooper said, picking up the reports and slotting them back into his book. "You know, Skyhold really is lovely. It's just a shame I can't stay longer. The trees here are really astounding."

"I suppose we do have trees," Dorian said. "If you like that sort of thing."

"It's one of my great pleasures," Cooper said, either not knowing or not caring that Dorian was sort of mocking him. "Is there some place I can stay while I'm here? I don't need much- just a clean room, reasonably priced."

"Talk to Cabot," Trevelyan said. "He'll get you a room."

"Thank you very much, Inquisitor," Cooper said. Trevelyan nodded to him, then motioned for Bull and Dorian to follow her. She didn't lead them far, just far enough that it looked less obvious that they were watching Cooper intently.

"Diane," Cooper said, writing in his book again. "I've just met with the Inquisitor and the former Hissrad, accompanied by Dorian of House Pavus. That's a Tevene family, Diane, big players in Qarinus. Answers went as expected and have been recorded by me." He broke off as Cabot sat a plate and tankard down in front of him. Cooper held up a hand, taking a long sip from the tankard. He made a noise of satisfaction. " _Damn_ good ale."

"This man is bizarre even for a Qunari," Dorian said. "I hope we all recognize that fact."

"Oh trust me, I do," Trevelyan said.

"What do you mean, even for a Qunari?" Bull asked, unamused.

"What do you think I mean?" Dorian replied, though he slipped an arm around Bull's waist.

"Let's just get out of here," Trevelyan said.

Cooper watched them go before turning back to his book. "Diane, the phrase 'strange bedfellows' seems to be in play," he said, writing. "I assumed that Vints with a taste for the Qunari were the stuff of seditious romance novels, but I have been proven wrong. Par Vollen will be very interested indeed." He paused. "Then again, times like we've had will lead people to do strange things looking for comfort." He scratched out the passage; it wouldn't be the only time. "I doubt you'll ever visit Skyhold, Diane, but if you do, the Herald's Rest is a cozy place. Of course, they cleared the whole tavern, standard precaution, but you can almost hear the songs echoing off the walls, and the laughter of the patrons well into the night…"


End file.
